This was a huge issue between me and my ex husband. (I’m not comparing M to my ex). I often felt lonely and felt like the pursuer because I just valued shared time so much.
We started dating when I was in school and super busy. I used to joke that had I not been in school we would have broken up as I would have demanded too much time.
Huge difference though. I remember he got really mad at me and broke up with me for 1 day at the 1 year mark because I brought up that he chose gym, and other activities over me. I actually cried and told him how I would change. I though back then that I was too demanding and clingy and controlling. ( a recent therapist pointed out how he did not care about my feelings or needs and it showed early on). My ex husband was the one to ask me to move in. In hindsite I suspect he did it for a break in rent. (I paid 1/3 and kept it at that and he later grew to resent that)
M did not break up with you or get mad at you for expressing your needs, so that is good. He is expressing his needs for Sunday’s to himself. I think a good sign would be a compromise from both of you. You find your own things to do as KML suggested and he should sacrifice voluntarily without you pushing him a few sundays as well. (This would demonstrate that he is willing to meet your needs) you both voiced your needs so now you have to see what each of you do.
My ex, intentionally “rebelled against me” and sought more time away. I remember that summer he went out with his friends on 4th of July instead of me. I did not see it like that at the time. I saw it as a, I was wrong to be too clingy. God , I was so stupid. Now I would detach and look for another guy.
So just observe and see how things go. I agree with J in that you have to weigh what your boundaries are. What is enough for you. You did do that with Hot chocolate and it worked in your favor. it’s about finding a healthy line between relationship compromise and sacrificing ones needs.
