I can only imagine the pain of the prolonged limbo you are in. I think if/when your bd happens you will get some closure but until then I know it s*cks wondering. The emotional roller coaster is brutal, one minute thinking “I can get through this no problem” to breaking down crying the next. Just know that as time goes on and you detach more, the highs and lows of the roller coaster decrease. It will get better!
You hit the nail on the head.
Here I am pre-BD preparing myself emotionally, DB’g, and getting this curveball from my W as if my distance is the problem. As if she maybe wants to connect (although placing blame squarely on me). It gives me some hope but I’m also so guarded right now. She takes no responsibility for things - like last time I asked to R talk 4 weeks back she said maybe in front of my IC (!) She hasn’t said ILY in months. She won’t go to bed at the same time. But if I GAL a little bit I am distant...
And now I’m away for a week which adds to the strain.
Honestly It’s going to take my W actually opening up to me and accepting she plays a role and that I’m not wearing a black hat here. Or she can give into her anger and the advice of her childless cat-owning divorcee friend. I feel like all I can do is express that I want things to work between us, that we need to be able to communicate for that to happen. If she resents me too much then I am powerless.
