I can only imagine the pain of the prolonged limbo you are in. I think if/when your bd happens you will get some closure but until then I know it s*cks wondering. The emotional roller coaster is brutal, one minute thinking “I can get through this no problem” to breaking down crying the next. Just know that as time goes on and you detach more, the highs and lows of the roller coaster decrease. It will get better!
