You sound like you're having a horrible morning, Dilly. I wonder if a break from your H and this situation and let it all lie, unsolved, for the time being, is the better move. See if you can recover and get yourself into your calm and positive headspace before you make a decision.
And you can make a decision. I think you have had some clear information from him these past few weeks - since your Easter holiday. Maybe you need to hunker down, process that information and use it to make your next move forward.
And it will be a move forward. You are getting healthier and happier and stronger. Being close and connected to your H means sitting in the mess of blame and self pity where he is. Leaving all that energy behind means leaving him behind, and that hurts. But drowning with him will hurt more. You can move forward. He can come, or not. But you are going to be absolutely fine.
I can see how he is using reminders or even threats of divorce to keep you in line. To make you afraid of leaving your kids in his hands for a week (if you wanted to do that, that is) and to punish you every time you demand some honesty from him. Looking at who he is and how he is treating you - the reality of today, rather than whatever you might hope for for the future - the threat of divorce is his only playing card and I think if you get rid of your fear of that his power over you and your moves forward will evaporate.
