You know, if you are going to confront him and have these conversations, it might be more productive to make them specific rather than general and about the concrete rather than the abstract. I know my H responds much better to details and facts rather than emotions and concepts (perhaps a Mars Venus thing? I work in the arts, he's in medicine...). So you could say, 'why am I not allowed to see your flat?' or 'why do you have a second phone' rather than talking about trust and earning trust and feeling mistrustful. And if he gives you flannel, you could just again, tell him the truth in a very low key and factual way. 'I don't believe you and that means I need to go away now and consider my options' or something like that?
I am a talker. I go round the houses. I process by thinking aloud. I find I have better results if I do all that in my own time and go to my H with something clearer and more concise.
Hmm, that's a good point. I've never asked why about the flat. I suspect he doesn't even know himself. I have told him a few times I want a quick visit and he has refused. And then headed straight for a D talk. His phone I've asked him about and he gave me the Whatsapp excuse, which is dodgy I agree. And yep, I'm a talker.
Sigh, maybe I was wrong to confront him this morning, poor timing and just ended up with us both feeling hurt and confused. Maybe I need to control myself better, particularly on Monday mornings which are my weak time. Although I don't know how somehow I ended up being accused, blamed and ultimately apologising when actually it was a reasonable thing to ask, whether a woman he's spending more time with than me over these 2 weeks is single. He has not done enough to make me trust him, I know it's a choice and something I have spent a lot of time doing, but he hasn't actually now offered for me to see his flat, or to show me his phone, or any other form of evidence which would earn him this trust, he's just said that I have to trust him and maybe he needs to accept my lack of trust. Hmmm.
