Yes, I agree, so much blame was coming at me this morning. He 'can't see a way back', usual stuff like that. Oh well, I can't make him forgive me for my part in our M, I can't make him stop resenting past hurts, that's all on him. If he genuinely thinks he would be happier on his own, then maybe I need to leave him to it.
If I left the kids are old enough to fend for themselves, he wouldn't come back to deal with it, I know that well. His own mother did that to him when he was 15 or 16 and visited once a week with food. If I moved out then he would file for D immediately, no question. And my kids would suffer even more. I'm not re-enacting his adolescence for him. I could go away and am going in June for a long weekend. I think he does need to feel the loss of me, I felt like all our interactions meant we were moving towards something more positive for the future but having suffered another R talk perhaps I'm just kidding myself and he's cake eating and I'm just baking for him.
I agree that he's wallowing in his own misery. I feel like I've picked myself up, looked hard at myself and started making changes. I've forgiven him a lot, I've got over an awful lot of resentments. If he can't do that work himself then I can't make him. He's hiding behind work and alcohol just as I feared he might. He's made some changes in how he behaves towards me, less critical and demanding, but maybe that was through fear of losing me instead of because he's examined his own behaviour and decided to change. I can't make him have hope for the future. I need to detach more. I feel so frustrated at the lack of progress, how much of my life do I have to waste with this stuff? I'm genuinely stronger and happier now than I have been at any time since BD, I feel like maybe I should just go ahead and let him go. If he comes back, then fine. But I will be ok on my own, I have been so far.
