Well, I got a dilemma. I’m pretty upset. This was a non-kid weekend and Friday night I finally got to go out with my my girlfriends ( so needed). Saturday M went biking with a friend then we went to his lake for a concert. It was so much fun, I met all his lake board people/community ( they really liked me). We brought beer, M had more than he usually does so he was really hungover today . I had to sneak out at 5 am to take care of my daughter. I invited him for dinner tonight and to chill. At the last minute, in his normal fashion, he said no. He says “let’s see how things go” on a Sunday, then at dinner time he says he would just rather stay home. Today, I expressed how I really felt about that. I was upset. He knows and I know we don’t get to spend much tome together and we involve our kids. We get maybe 2 days together a whole weekend we had, and we spent 13 hours together, 5 of those sleeping . I wasn’t asking him to come over to do housework. I was going to feed him and chill with him. He said he was feeling really blah from the hangover and he needed “me time” . Not for birthing, I do not monopolize his tome in any way. I find that I have “me” time and I want to spend it Witt him. And he would rather spend it by himself . We expressed our feelings, it didn’t end bad, but I am super upset. He thanked me for understanding he has a very busy schedule ( of course I do, mine is busier) but I have been nothing but patient. Understanding his pace. His not letting his son know we are together. Our 1-2 nights a week.
He’s wonderful. He really is. But I realized he didn’t chose me when I would chose him. That I want more time with him and perhaps he doesn’t want more time with me. I want to progress. And we do, at a nice slow pace which has been healthy for me. But when you chose to lay in your bed on a Sunday night instead of having a home made meal with your girlfriend, well, I feel like we are on different pages. It hurt and I felt rejected. I understand the concept of alone tome and our individual busy lives, but he does this all the time and I don’t even think he realizes it.
I am really upset. I haven’t figured out if I should be, shouldn’t be, if it’s PMS, if I’m unreasonable, or maybe we are on just different levels. But I’m shocked at the rejection I’m feeling. I am genuinely hurt, even if he didn’t mean to. I’m just scared we might be on different levels. The usual one where I prioritize someone I love, and I don’t know if they do the same for me.
