Soon to separate, Possible WAW

[sandi2]

I went back and read all your threads. I realize the move out date is here, but just maintain your cool.

I'm going to put some stuff out here, and pray it doesn't cause confusion. It may just be my intuition at play.......but here goes.

If your W has/had an alcoholic mother and there was no father.......she may have experienced emotional neglect that has affected her relationship with you. She may have abandonment issues. You said her mother spoiled her. So, she may have a sense of entitlement, which probably resulted from the spoiling.

I think for the most part your responses to her have been good. I really don't see obvious nice-guy tendencies, which is rare if there is a WW in the sitch. And, this leads back to your W. I may be off my rocker, but I'm not convinced that there is an OM in the picture......currently. (All that texting could be to her enabler.) She might have been looking for OM, but there is something that doesn't feel right in my gut. She is critical, spoiled, etc. But I don't really get the sense she cheating.....yet. Now there was the coldness and her sleeping on the edge of bed, which is usually a red flag, but she switched back quickly, so IDK. I don't think all these acts of cuddling and other physical contact and wanting you to be with her are necessarily temp checks. (Some people may fall out of their chair when they read that statement.)

You are 26, and like a lot of young guys you had your fun things to do, and perhaps, you didn't balance your time & attention with your family as well as you should have. Getting M didn't stop you from having your fun......and it shouldn't altogether shut down. When the baby came, that meant there was more work required at home, and in the MR. I'm not sure how much time she took GAL, but I get the feeling she resented it whenever you were not helping out, and/or putting your attention on something other than her. If she is spoiled, critical, insecure, anxious.....and has abandonment issues and a sense of entitlement..........it's quite an emotional package to carry around. I think she has the makings of a WW, b/c of her anger/resentment.....plus, to some degree, loss of respect for you. However, if she's not in an affair, or shopping for one......I think there is a lot of hope for saving the MR, even though she's separating from you.

She seems to like the man you are currently showing her........at least some parts. Yes, she feels a lot of confusion, but who wouldn't with all those issues? I believe this MR can be turned around, if she'll stop listening to whoever is influencing her to leave her M. Didn't you say her BFF had recently divorced? Women can be highly influenced by their BFF's........and their mother. Considering her young age of 26, and her having a baby, and feeling somewhat neglected by her H.........could have been enough to send her packing for a new and single lifestyle.

She seems to want your attention and your affection. Now, I don't know what YOUR problem was by not giving her passionate kisses, when she clearly told you she needed more making-out time with her H. You say you are self confident, so what's the deal with you not wanting open mouth kisses? If I were your young W who had a soon to be one-year old baby........I would think you were not attracted to me. And, considering how you seem to be more interested in your fun stuff.......it would probably cause a lack of self confidence as a woman. One things for sure, it would cause plenty of negative emotions.

So, she decides to separate, and then sees you getting your act together, and she is attracted. She's having doubts.
She is clearly jealous just thinking that you might be meeting some other woman. She is hurt at the possibility you would spend time with someone other than her. Those are natural feelings when a woman feels emotionally neglected. Maybe her love language is affirmation, but I think it may include quality time and physical touch. That's why she is practically chasing you down to touch you, and why it angers/hurts when she doesn't have enough one-on-one time with you. Having another person living in the home, plus a baby, can really challenge how much of that intimate attention she may crave.

Okay, so you are probably wondering why she simply won't say that she doesn't want to leave. How about stubborn pride? Maybe she is hoping you will tell her you don't want her to go. I'm not suggesting you go into the begging routine. But neither should you act cocky about her leaving. Sometimes a physical separation helps the couple to see things more clearly, especially the spouse that actually leaves.

I can't help but wonder if she feels that a separation will get your undivided attention. If she has gone completely wayward, then she will not desire your touch, want your attention, or to work on the MR.

I don't know if anything I've said will help at this point, and I may be completely off track. Her heart may have turned to stone. She may have a hidden agenda that will become visible once she moves out. If that's the case, then forget everything.......well, maybe not everything. Like I said, it's based more on intuition than anything else. So just take it FWIW.