Hello hello, Just want to document today: 1 day till move out. Tonight after I got my S to bed my W and I planned to type up our separation agreement.
I should note that my W has been extremely stressed and torn up about leaving me. The first 2 weeks after BD she barely ate and barely slept. She has had bouts of diarrhea and has had her period 3 times in 6 weeks. Just stressing that she is incredibly stressed and insecure about her decision to separate. I’ve read that most WW/WAW don’t give a shyt so this is interesting to me.
She was visibly stressed and expressed many times that this was “so stressful” “feels so real now that we are putting it in writing” “making me feel so anxious”. As much as I wanted to yell “this is all because of you!” I didn’t. I listened and validated very well.
So anyway we typed up our agreement. It went well, no argument. The whole time she was very touchy feely with me. Trying to manipulate me? Possibly but it went well. W insisted that we take a few shots before hand as she was so anxious.
During the typing of the agreement my W said “I don’t know what the outcome will be. Maybe we will get back together but I don’t know”. She seems incredibly unstable and insecure. She asked me what I thought would happen: I replied “I think you have some things to figure out and I have some things to work on. I think we both need space to figure out things.”
In the agreement I wanted a point that said reassess in 1 year. When I mentioned it to my W a few weeks ago she straight up said no. Tonight she suggested we write reassess as I wanted. She seems far more open to R compared to a month and a half ago. In her mind around BD R was impossible. Now I believe she is considering it.
After agreement was finished we went to bed. W said she was feeling so stressed and wanted to listen to music. I validated and put on a comedy for myself. I have been an emotional fortress through my sitch and act impervious to stress. (Aside from first week after BD where I was a mess.). We were having some beers and my W spilled one all over me and the bed. I held in my anger which pre BD I’m sure I would have had an outburst towards her. I am working on controlling my temper.
She was laughing and put her head on my chest. I said “remember a few weeks ago when I spilled a beer in bed and you lost it?” We both laughed and then my W started crying. She started sobbing with her head on my chest and put her leg over me. I rubbed her head and back reassuringly. I didn’t shed a tear.
After a few minutes of this she moved her face close to mine and we made out passionately for like 10 minutes. (Jesus this sounds like a romance novel lol) We haven’t kissed like this is months and previously I neglected her in this area. (Was a complaint that I didn’t make out with her enough).
Not saying this is progress. Feels almost like a goodbye at this point. I have hope because she went from: we are done, to maybe we can get back together. I think she is highly conflicted and doesn’t know what she wants. She is aware that I am not a plan B and has commented many times that she knows I will be a womanizer. I reply that, that isn’t what I want but her lack of wanting to work on the R means that I will move on with my life.
I hope for R in the future because I still love her and because of my son. But I am not going to wait around. If she misses the window for R I will not feel sorry. Thanks eveyone
