Right place?

[Awakened]

So, I'm going to be verbose as i have a lot to "say" and don't have another venue to vomit....

In my previous posts in this, my fledgling post, i mentioned sobbing and crying... This activity is highly unusual for me and tbh something i need to flesh-out in counselling.

When I first arrived home from the airport and discovered my W, D+S and dogs gone my body wracked, I nearly passed out, and i literally cried out in a loud voice as the sobbing began.

I was surprised at the sounds and feelings my body was making/doing.... I'd never had a feeling like that. It's happened a time or two since then as well.

I can say without exception this is the most horrendous, painful thing I have ever experienced (W used these very terms to describe our relationship these last couple years).

Yea I could give you some biological reasons why this has happened, but this is why this is called BOMB DROP.

Add in to it that as a man, you are entering your own middle age, your testosterone is lower than it was thirty years ago, so your estrogen is higher which makes you more emotional than you used to be.

All of these reactions are perfectly "normal" for what has happened.
Best to head the process straight on and not avoid the feelings.

Not something any of us would suggest to another human being but it does happen all of the time.

You have to put your oxygen mask on and save yourself first,
so that you will be able to help your children and proceed down the path that you will get to choose.

Remember that sometimes doing NOTHING is DOING SOMETHING.
When in doubt on what to do - take a step backwards and look and listen,
until you know what you have to do.

Dear Reader,

When you consider the post above from Cadet you will see a textbook example of WISDOM!!!

Cadet -

Thank you for the encouragement. And advice.

I've contacted a friend who is in a study group with a few other men who have all gone through D (some w/children) and are similar in age to me (maybe slightly older - no difference). My friend invited me to his group and opined that the other guys will likely have some wisdom to share (and possibly recommendations for legal advisers).

This is all starting to "sink in" and is panic inducing!

W is staying at a beach house a friend/family in our network back east offered for a week. She returns from that 05/21 and told me she will talk with her family about the impending D.

Unfortunately for me, one of her brothers is a millionaire and will probably be a financial support for her.....

I expect she will be very motivated to learn if I will file or should she. She also mentioned that, "I have the option to waive being served if you prefer" so I believe she has been seeking advice.

She has locked me out of our joint checking and credit card accounts and while i don't worry about her running up the cards (she HATES debt of any kind), i do want to see how she is spending our money.

I believe i am in for a bloody battle....

Feeling like David vs Goliath though I don't have the luxury of knowing how the story ends... - maybe Goliath chops David's head off? Either way, i'm about to start the learning stage of fighting a war like this....ugh...