Right place?

[Awakened]

Yes, i've been doing the sobbing thing....hyperventilating, etc. I rec'd the BD while at work just checking pers. e-mail. I was still dealing w/ her leaving with the taking the kids (which resulted in the same sobbing, etc the BD did).

At the BD, I immediately jumped out of my chair and reached out to my three closest friends (two are out of state). Chatted briefly w/one as i tried to settle down. Went back to my office ignorantly thinking i would complete the tasks ahead of me - ha! - that was a 'no chance Charlie' assumption! Hands were shaking so bad i couldn't type.....

I wrote a brief note for my boss who was taking a webinar interrupting her with it's urgency. She immediately pulled off her headphones. We stepped into a conference room and i spilled my guts and sobbed. She began to cry as well and hugged me (no attraction - she's like an older sister). We prayed and she pretty much told me to go home, not to worry about the tasks and not to come in on Friday. Yeah, re-started the sobbing....

I had, thankfully, set an appt., with an ic for that day. I went in to the appt., very raw. The ic was very helpful and especially after he had read the initial note and subsequent BD.

W said she will not return home until i have left the house so i'm reeling from the reality of that.... i think i need to vomit...

I'm not angry at my stbxw and completely admit/'own up', apologize for my part of the years of ugliness btw us. Ultimately, i will continue on with getting the help i need. Hopeful, maybe, for re-unification, but I really cannot see it.