There is a lot I miss. Though for the past two years of our marriage, the bad stuff has outweighed the good and I let my focus on that bad stuff and trying to fix it in ineffective ways to overshadow everything that was good and enjoyable about my own life. I think the kids and me are really flourishing. There's so much to enjoy now I have freed myself from having to prop up a depressed husband or try to control or repair a failing marriage. I still hope for a repair but I'm not actively working on it - I am working on myself instead and that's so freeing.
Talked to H briefly this morning about the coming week. Youngest has inset days on the Thursday and Friday. This has been on our shared calendar for about four months and I also mentioned it to him in Feb when I first asked for the time away, and again in April when we finally agreed I could do this. The options were for Youngest to go to H's mother or to get booked into the holiday club. H said he'd take care of it and he hasn't. It might be too late for either now. I know he's stressed and it's just slipped his mind, but he was pretty shirty about his mistake - really searching for a way to blame it on me. I texted him and said, 'Is there anything I can do to help here? I know you're stressed and it's just slipped your mind,' and he hasn't replied. He is always going on about me taking away his authority in the house as a parent, but he doesn't see how he makes it so difficult for me to leave him in charge and trust his judgement. I am practicing the fine art of STFU today. I've offered to help, and that will have to be enough.