Complex WW and/or MLC #3

[P_Jam]

LH,
We already agree on this. I know for sure she doesn't know if she wants to save this marriage. But I don't think I have a right to assume that she SHOULD know this 100%. I don't even know 100%.

I'm not ignoring that she still has a lot of individual work to do. I still believe she doesn't even know why she was able to get to a point of cheating (multiple times). but I'm also convinced she is genuinely confused and hurt. and things like LRT might very well still work (in the long run) but possibly working through this WITH her might also work.

might be naivete but I think that if I had been able to expose her affairs and the necessary details without exposing that I had bugged the house she very well could have said those exact words. She said words VERY close to that and ended PA when she thought I was unaware of the physical part. The bugging/invasion was a SIGNIFICANT factor and I believe was the only actual BD. I'm pretty sure I would still do it again - but as far as a BD list I think this issues is #1, #2 and #3.

Looking back I also think that If I didn't actually find out the truth and confront her she might very well have been on the full R path. If I would have let it go then (when I thought she cheated but denied it and I believed her) - I think she would have felt it was a well deserved wake up call and begun to work it out. Now, I'm not sure that would have been the best path as it would not have allowed me to understand how deep her individual issues might just be. I think our relationship would have changed for the better (at least a bit) - but I'm not convinced it would have stopped her from cheating forever.