Thanks Alison-- I totally agree. I've tried thinking about it as a separate entity, ie would I enjoy myself and would it benefit my daughter for me to go. I'm honestly unsure about both. Would I have a good time? Potentially it could just be a fun time, and I always enjoy seeing my daughter have fun. i have also missed sociializing with this group, they had become my friends and I was sad to lose them. But, I remember in a recent post of mine FlySolo mentioned that the British tend to be too polite to bring up such a thing in a social setting. Well, I won't generalize Californians, but I will say that I'm certain that these women would ask me, with pure intentions, what is going on between H and I. There would definitely be a certain amount of awkwardness/nervousness/discomfort for me, at least in the beginning. And it may stir up some difficult emotions for me, for better or for worse. I also have a hard time answering in terms of my daughter. On the one hand, she loves it when we are all together, of course. But, if we are in fact getting a divorce, sometimes I wonder if it's a disservice to her to not allow for these opportunities for her to get used to doing things separately on most occasions. Of course there will be special events we will all spend together, but they will become much fewer and farther between if H and I divorce. I agree that I am trying to have a bit of control to soothe myself yet again, but in this case I'm not so much trying to decide what would get the best reaction from H. It is more that I am trying to decide whether the potential benefits of my going outweigh the potential drawbacks, and I am trying to do some (fruitless)mind reading to make that decision.
I guess this is the real issue-- all things pertaining to H aside, I can't even tell if I want to go/think it's best for D3 or for me.
