I guess the true last point here is that everyone's situation is different. I tried to communicate that he has been acting differently. I thought I even outlined our talk 2 days ago. It is as follows:
We actually seemed to have a productive discussion the night before we went to the lawyers about the separation. I asked him what his intentions were at the lawyers, and he said he was going to file for legal separation, but that he wants to try to work to repair the marriage. He said he'd been noticing changes in me the last couple of weeks and that it has made him think things could be different. He opened up and told me how he felt about some of our problems. I listened and apologized. I used validation statements to make him feel I understood. He said that he thinks we can build an even better marriage someday, and he knows change doesn't happen overnight. He listed all the things he noticed about me lately (less anxious, more relaxed, doing things, reading books, not hounding him or prodding him, not demanding he discuss the marriage, not asking him where he is or what he's doing, not messaging him). He said he knows that I trust him now because I don't want to know what he's doing. He says he knows I am more open because I'm not demanding him to answer me and make a decision right away. He says all this has made him think that we can change the way we interact. He's still being a bit critical, but I haven't won him fully back.
He told me that his mother's husband was getting jealous and it made him realize that I was not actually insane. He said that his mother has been telling him what kind of woman he needs, and it has made him realize what he had with me was special. He said he told his mother that a woman like X isn't something he cares about. He kept talking. He said that we have similar interests, can talk for hours, I'm intelligent and classy, he's highly attracted to me, we have a lot of fun together, we love doing the same kinds of things, and that he knows this will be difficult to find in another person. He told me to trust him and give him time. He was going to work on his mom by asking her why she wasn't just divorcing her husband for being jealous like she wanted him to divorce his. He said it's his in and he wants to try to make her see that I'm not crazy.
What does bother me is that if the mother is adamant against me no matter what, I'm not sure what he will actually do. That is troubling. However, for the rest of this. Why would a man bother to stay up until 3:30 AM telling you his feelings and flattering you just to make sure "you are plan B" or "you do what he wants"? The cynicism was really making me look at stuff negatively. After the posts yesterday, I went into the lawyers office freaked and expecting another BD. I was highly suspicious and the H picked up on it. This made him wonder what was going on with me. I need to relax, so I just want to focus on all the positives in my life. Be happy about my own changes and our baby steps and continue to work on myself ONLY. Continue to value myself and work to be a better, more productive me.
