I'm being a bit negative, really. He isn't always that awful - he just often is. And sometimes he does step up and help out - most often on Saturday mornings he will change the beds and clean the floors while I go out for a coffee with my friends, and he will do homework with Youngest and do jobs I don't like (like cleaning rabbit cage out) and he doesn't make a song and dance about it, though I do always thank him. And sometimes we do have a bit of a joke - though most of his conversation is about his work and how hard he is finding it, there's just nothing much else for him to talk about right now. He can be encouraging of my work, and he's said a few times that I am looking really good (I am!) and that he really likes seeing me getting out and enjoying myself and that I am doing well with the kids. I guess what I don't enjoy is how anxious I feel when I am around him, how often disappointed or sad when he leaves. It is partly to do with his behaviour (which is tons and tons better than it was, but not consistent) and partly to do with my expectations. And I guess I can do something about my expectations. I get the feeling that he's been sensing my disapproval or disappointment for a long time and that would have been hurtful to him too. I need to keep reminding myself that the man is on the brink of burn out, is probably medically depressed, and though he says he wants to fix things with me, he just has no capacity at all for even loving himself at the moment, never mind anyone else.
10 days feels like a long time to me. Perhaps its a good time to focus on yourself and your GAL and your social life. How are you doing with your Dilly 2.0 goals? Any new hobbies or places to take the kids over half term? Do you have any creative hobbies, or any creative activities you've been meaning to take up, but haven't ever given yourself the time for? It feels like only a couple of weeks since the Easter holidays, doesn't it? I hope we have nice weather.
