Midlife wife crisis6

[SoTorn]

Steve thank you for your input. I’m glad I made the right decision. That was not easy for me since I usually give in. I felt better later on that I made a stand.
LH. I am working on getting my “parts” back. I know I still have a ways to go, but I am working on it. My emotions are still very much a roller coaster. I wish they weren’t. I know it takes time. It just hurts while I am in his mess.

I have read so much on here lately and man I really gets me thinking. I read about other people’s situation, a lot of Sandi’s writing. I get what everyone is saying it just seems so counterintuitive. I read about the picnic outside the castle, the light house, sandi’s advice to people. I just feel like with my w I need to pursue, I won’t by the advice on here. It’s so hard to imagine attracting someone without pursuing. When I think how I won my w back in college I had to pursue. She is old fashioned where she doesn’t believe in women making the moves. One of the problems with our love life. I always had to make the moves. She never did!!! So I feel like giving her space is only creating more space.
Steve you said my Situation reminded you a lot of yours. Am I on the right path? I know she is hurting I just can’t tell if it’s because our marriage is ending or if she is having second thoughts, but her damn pride would never let her admit she made a mistake.

W, you have to back off and not pursue because it just feeds their narcissism. They feel entitled. They feel luke they are above us and dont respect us. Not pursuing shows them that they are not the center of the world.

When we back off it gives them time to reflect on themselves. Someone with NPD cant handle that well because they need their control and that fix of negativity. They have a need to make themselves feel better by putting someone down and getting a rise out of them.

When you stand up for yourself and dont fall for the bait, all they can do is stare at themselves in the mirror. The hope is that they will actually recognize their behaviors and realize they are the ones that need to fix themselves. Unfortunately, most NPD people wont even step up to the plate and recognize their issues.

When I pulled back hard and away from my EXWW, she pursued hard with negativity, threats, attempts at control. I can clearly see that she hasnt even acknowledged her part in the failure of our M. She is the same person and I seriously doubt she would ever change herself.

Thats why, although it hurt badly, I accepted the D. I didnt push or stop it. She filed and I didnt delay. I gave her what she wanted and showed her that I value myself and that my morals and integrity mean more to me than the person she is.

My EXWW lost me. She was a fool to lose me. I know this. I am a much better man now.