Wow, time goes by so fast. Tomorrow is three weeks since BD, this is such a fascinating process. Thanks to all the wonderful people here who lend their experiences and wisdom. I've learned sooooo much, and don't know where I'd be otherwise (in a much worse place I'm sure).
So an update for me: My W is still acting relatively normal. She is withdrawing a lot, and I'm giving her total space. She has an open runway..... no questions asked. I think that's really helped her, I can see much less stress by leaving her alone...and I can see it start to build if I'm around her for more than a few min (then I get outta Dodge and leave her be). At the same time, letting go.... while not fun, absolutely is necessary. Not asking what she's doing, not asking where's shes going, no texts unless she texts first, no calls originating from me, no touching, no I loves you's, no R talk, no talk about the future, very little talk about me, almost all talk centered on her, lots of eye contact....... everything kept very light and pleasant, and I'm opening the door for her when she comes home from travel. Want to make sure she feels safe and welcome. Not time to go dark (later).
Learning how to detach and even harder to put into practice the emotional detachment..... but I know it takes time. So much better than at the start but so much farther to go. She's on my mind all the time because of my concern, but trying to give her to GOD so he can work on her, and understand everything she does is her choice (easy to say, hard to truly grasp). Learning to accept that I have no power and no influence in this process. Her niceness is a veneer that I assume will wear away, so I must be thankful that it exists for now.
Looking for that dark turn but it just hasn't happened yet. Thankful for the time to jump-start my improvement before it gets harder.
Oh.... one thing which is very curious to see and not just read about..... she's dressing like a teen (not always, but it's happened a few times). Such a fascinating process.....
