Am I understanding correctly what you're saying? You ask your W three times to hold her hand and she says no so you stop. Then because you don't ask anymore because you were rejected 3 times you feel she views that as punishment and a form of emotional abuse?
I concur with LH here. This is something you may want to think about re-reading.
IMO rehashing every "wrong" thing you did repeatedly will only cause you more chaos. I know because preDB I did it. Over. And over. And over. I stopped talking to W abt that at the end of last year but continually beat myself up internally over and over again. I still do it occasionally but it has diminished post DBing.
My W is either WAS or in MLC or both. She isn't thinking the same way. She is in a very negative space right now. She is focusing on only thr negative aspects of our R, not the positive. We had many more pluses than minuses. As I've grown stronger I've realized that.
Internally on my part I will not allow her to rewrite our history into something it wasn't. I cant tell her that or expect her to understand that. I can only focus on myself, fix the problems I KNOW I had (not the ones created by her being in a negative space) and hope that maybe she might possibly see it. Gradually. Over time.
I recommend you do the same.
PS I know I said it before, but there is no way in [censored] i would go to a MC with a W that didn't want to work on the R.
