I'll leave my comments about finding a better authentic Mexican place than OtB to myself! LOL Also, TX is my birth state!
Mine too. I honestly prefer tex-mex over "authentic" Mexican food. The first time I went to Mexico I was surprised to find that tex-mex is not the same thing as Mexican food
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This is shifting gears a bit but wondered what your take was if I discover there is another A. I know it doesn't change anything (although it kills my desire to pursue her anymore).
I think most LBS's are in denial about just how "over" their M is. They see their W as "going through something" and if they say or do the right thing then it will snap them out of it. I think that's why most of us ended up here, we were searching the Internet for answers on the right steps to take to "fix things" and stumbled across DB'ing. Discovering an A sometimes snaps the LBS out of it. They realize that the woman that they knew and loved and was so devoted to them has checked out and there's an interloper in her place. But the thing is, that new knowledge didn't change anything except the LBS's PERCEPTION of the situation. Your situation, it is ALREADY that bad. You're clinging to the notion that it's salvageable when it already isn't. I think the only reason your W is still in the same house is what you mentioned in your first post- she can't afford to leave. Maybe she's hoping the right OM will come along that can whisk her away. Or maybe she's fantasizing she'll land some great new source of income selling candles or something. But she's not there out of any desire to work on things.
I was faced with the same dilemma as you. My XW had been hanging around with a coworker. His W left him and she was there to console him through his difficult time (oh the irony). I trusted my XW without question and never once considered it as anything other than her helping a friend. Well fast forward to BD and she's still talking to him and messaging through FB and working with him. I could find no evidence of an A, but it kept me up many a night wondering about it. Finally I came to the conclusion that the best course of action for ME was actually rather simple- assume the worst and act accordingly. She's having an A, do I want to keep standing for my M or not? At the time I decided to keep standing, but I was fully embracing DB'ing by then so I did not confront her because there was nothing to gain by it. And all these years later, I still don't know what the extent of their "friendship" was. But I do know one thing, my M was dead at BD. It took me almost a year to finally realize how dead it was though.
Now I'm not saying to give up and that there's no hope. The idea of DB'ing isn't to save your existing M, it is to forge a new way forward, make yourself the spouse only a fool would leave and hopefully down the road you'll get an opportunity to build a NEW R with her. It has happened plenty of times, but the LBS really has to drop the rope first. And that takes time and patience!
