The poly is a no go. I don't think it will be coming from a place of strength or that it will help in the long run. It can come across as controlling. I don't want to force her to take it to try and catch her in a lie. Even if she willingly takes it, I don't feel right about it. It'll show the level I would go to and in the long run I think there are better ways than that.
I do want to trust her. My issue I think is that I am afraid I will be too trusting of her too easily without her gaining back that trust.
In DR I read that if the WAS no longer feels like they want to D we could discuss our needs, like addressing the infidelity. Since she has not been forthcoming and still denies, I don't think MC will be a start.
When I mentioned counseling, I was referring to individual for both of us. I don't think MC is right for now. if W did take a polygraph and passed, I think the focus would quickly be removed from her doing the necessary work to me and how I was blaming her. She'd still need to do the work.
Steve, I try to ask myself the questions like will this help or hurt me and am I coming from a place of strength. I do try to think logically. It's hard sometimes with feelings in the way so I can imagine how the WAS feels. I see many parallels.
ovrrnbw, the pats on the back I laugh at. She did it again today after meeting me and the boys up for dinner. I tapped her on the back the same way and we both sorta just laughed. I'm not sure if we can both keep our composure when it comes to the physical aspect of what we have at the moment. It will be a weakness of mine I may need to overcome. She said she is getting the bed in tomorrow and was washing the sheets tonight so I've said some things in reference to tomorrow night.
FS and nef, I agree to taking it one day at a time and to have patience. I need it. W is slowly coming out of that fog I think. So I think and I may be jumping the gun here that I may need to find out what I should be doing next to plan ahead. We're a long way from recon. But I am not sure if I need to do the full LRT as she no longer says she wants to D. She wants to work on the R and rebuild trust. So its like limbo again but are there any new rules or the same ones at this point? In DR it says to let the WAS know what we want/need. I don't think W will address the need to confront the infidelity. I hope when she goes to counseling and over time she will see something in me where she feels safe enough to tell me the truth.
FS, I am ready for the truth. I want to rebuild and put a lot of this in the past. I have to let go of wanting and of expecting. I am trying to enjoy the days as they come.
It feels a little conflicting. We distance so they don't run and when they come to us, we keep that distance so they don't cake eat.
As for full transparency... I still have all my messages of the women I've texted and W has been free to check my phone. I did change my password because of this site though. She does not get to see this. She is more than welcomed to go through any of my texts freely. Always have. I haven't deleted anything.
W and I used to share passwords to our accounts from emails to anything else online. I do want to restore that level of trust where she can go into my yahoo mail if she needed something like a financial doc or I could go into hers for the like. Same for amazon accounts. paypals. etc. The camera on the house. The deal with that is if I plan to move back in, then yeah I too would be using the app to monitor the traffic of people.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
