I have a question for you do you feel or think that your wife is manipulating you and holding control over you? my other question is how emotionally volatile have you been and is it getting too far and few in between as time passes?
I only feel manipulated and controlled a bit when it comes to parenting our kids. I feel like my opinions and decisions are not valued. My W gets pretty worked up around them, and in those situations I try to react and resolve the situation. Is that her controlling, or is it my issue because I can't deal with her high-stress? Little of both I guess.
Otherwise I don't really feel manipulated or controlled. I used to more, when I thought that all my sacrifices (letting go of friends and hobbies) were for the sake of my W and my family. But truthfully I made those decisions.
What I really feel is unloved. And it h.u.r.t.s.
For your other question, I have been very emotionally volatile since I realized she was thinking about leaving me. I felt betrayed. I pulled the car over. I poured my heart out in apology after apology letter. Every day I have a 30-45 minute period where I am just floored with anxiety and grief. The difference is that I'm better at restraining myself around my W, at not acting on those emotions. This is where I get stuck a bit, because I feel like "If she only knew that I knew, she might be more understanding of my reactions." But probably not... she is gone already. Somewhere along the way my W crossed the threshold, long before I knew it.
I hope someday the extreme emotions subside. I accept that it's part of the grieving process and it's going to take several months at least. It's normal for me to feel this way. I have a tinge of catastrophic thinking which is not healthy and fuels the extremes, but otherwise I think it's completely okay to have these feelings.
I don't know... I accept what I am facing. I don't have a choice. That pain and hurt floods me every single day, and all I can do is accept it, endure it, and hopefully get a little bit stronger each day. After about 2 months, I can't tell that I feel any better when the flood comes, I'll be honest. It makes me want to panic, I just want to talk to somebody, I just want to resolve my pain, feel a little better. But at least I don't go running to my W for soothing anymore.
