This post became so wordy, I decided to send it in two parts.
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This is shifting gears a bit but wondered what your take was if I discover there is another A. I know it doesn't change anything (although it kills my desire to pursue her anymore).
How do I communicate that I know?
Before you communicate that you know, there are key things you need to think through. First of all, would any type of affair be a deal breaker? Some men push aside the seriousness of an emotional affair, just as long as the AP's didn't have sex. Emotional affairs go beyond the schoolgirl crush type of thing. It can encapture a WW to the point of forsaking everything to be with OM. It's all about feelings for the WW.
Most WW's will not admit to the truth presented or questioned by her H. At best she will give him a trickled down version. She is wayward, so don't expect her to truthfully answer any of your questions. Don't approach her and ask, "Are you having an A?" You need to know from some other source. And whatever source of your intell, you never ever reveal that source to her.
Trickle down versions of the truth is her avoiding to own the full level of their involvement. She will give you at least one level lower than what actually happened. Like, she may start by saying they were just friends, someone she could talk to. If the H pressures by providing nude pictures or sex texting.... she'll they were just having fun and it wasn't serious. Some WW's will cop to having only shared a kiss, when in reality they are having sex. I've even read about H's having proof of the AP's spending the night together in a hotel room.......and the WW will claim they didn't have sex! One WW claimed she stopped in mid intercourse b/c she suddenly realized how much she loved her H. So, don't expect your W to be completely honest in revealing details.
LBH's ask why the WW lies about her affair, if she's already told her H she wants out of the M. It's part of the craziness of her mindset. That's not a sufficient answer, but you have to remember she is a cheater. Once she stepped over the line to betray her H, the other forms of deceit just becomes part of her need to cover up. She's not quite ready to release her Plan B (BH) until she has completely secured Plan A (OM), so that means she has to keep him from knowing the truth. She may not be ready for her parents or old friends to know she's cheating, so she has to devise some plan as to how she'll demonize her H to them, so to justify why she had to ask for a D. Then she will eventually introduce her new man and her parents and friends will accept him (she hopes). Listen, I was wayward and had an EA. We never met face to face IRL. With today's apps, it offers ways to conduct inappropriate activities, and then erase the evidence. Technically, I suppose it would not classify as a PA, but things sure were physical as per technology. It really embarrasses me to give details. The point I want you to grab here is that I had the whole plan mapped out. I planned to tell my kids how bad the M was, leave my H and go live with the OM. After a little time, I would bring OM back to my hometown to meet my children and parent. Unbelievable!!
Your WW may be between affairs, or she may have carried her A underground so it is won't appear quite so obvious. I think there are some common overt behaviors seen in WW's and MLCW's. A lot of H's classify their WW as having a MLC. But anyway.......I said that to say this. It is rare to see a wayward and/or one in MLC who does not have an affair. So, if your W is not hiding some inappropriate contact, or more than inappropriate, then I think it will be a matter of time. You see, they reach this level of full out rebellion. In the past, she may have expressed some lower level of rebellion, but while her resentment, disrespect, selfishness, etc. is rising.......so is her rebellion.
I'm always telling H's they can't be soft on a wayward W. The WW is a different breed, and H's who illustrate a certain tenderness toward his WW, is likely to find himself divorced. It's sad to say, but I'm being brutally honest about what I'm witnessed on the board and IRL. Men who have NGS must feel as if they've traded their old self and put on a new man in order to successfully deal with his wayward W.
Okay, so I haven't actually answered your question, have I? Maybe part 2 will come closer.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It really embarrasses me to give details. The point I want you to grab here is that I had the whole plan mapped out. I planned to tell my kids how bad the M was, leave my H and go live with the OM. After a little time, I would bring OM back to my hometown to meet my children and parent. Unbelievable!! 
