I agree with neff, relax and take it one day at a time. No expectations.
Re male or female marriage counselors. I honestly don't think it matters. What matters is that you both want the same outcome and are willing to do the necessary work to get there. That she is willing to go, in fact, she is the one that wants to go shows that she is, at least right now, committed to trying. There are no guarantees. MC [censored]. It is opening up a wound and then digging around in it with a dirty old stick. It will hurt. But I think, if you are both willing to stick it out (pun intended), it will be worth it in the end.
Originally Posted by Adam04
What are your thoughts on her taking the polygraph? I have a place and questions already.
I think trust goes deeper than this. If you don't trust her, then her passing the test isn't going to gain that trust back. You will just google 'how to fool a polygraph test' and find one or two obscure examples where someone, somewhere successfully fooled the test, and then you're right back where you started. You see, at first, trust is a choice. You chose to trust someone and, yes, initially it is fragile and easily broken. You will look for signs that she is breaking that trust, but over time, and with consistency, it becomes something you don't even think about anymore. One day at a time. Eventually, hopefully, it is just something that is, like breathing, or loving your children. It is no longer a choice, it is just something you know is true.
I do agree with access to phones and computers. It would have to go both ways. You cannot expect her to do something you are not willing to do yourself.
Strangely, I guess full transparency would be letting her know what you have written here. That's a tricky one. I am not sure I would want my H to know what I have shared with virtual strangers. My truth is not his truth, right?
I guess my question is, how much do you want to know about what she has said and done whilst she was in her fog ... because MC is about letting all that stuff out.
