Sh74 - I struggle just as much as you. I'm just better the last 2-3 weeks about controlling that urge. But the urge is still there to "fix" things. I think of things to say, notes to write, texts and e-mails. I can say definitively my efforts the month prior to finding DB just made my situation exponentially worse.
Fundamentally this is NGS behavior, and an effort to control the other person. Now that I am starting to see my behavior for what it is, it helps me to stop. Let your W live her life and make her own decisions. For now, professions of love are just pressure that will shove her away further.
Last night when I had that urge to say "I know you want a D", I went to a room by myself and contacted a friend who has been through this. It took me a good 2 hours before I calmed down, but I did it. I wanted to break down bawling. Once the intensity of the emotions subsided, I felt this incredible relief that I held it together. I felt I earned myself a little self-respect. I was proud. Small victories. I know this is hard, it is excruciating.
