I have worried though because he says when they touch he feels an electric current. That does seem a little strange!
This second post was a response to genetic sexual attraction. I don't think there is anything actually happening there.
I don't see how this is believing what I want. He could get a divorce if he wants to get a divorce. I'm reading the book and I will apply the principles, but I think there is some bitterness here. I don't see how saying you don't want a divorce is a bad thing. I learned the technique from a counselor. They said to say, I can see I've hurt you and that you are upset. I don't want a divorce, but I am starting to see why you do. You are right that we have problems. But I do love you and I don't want to just walk away.
This is what I've been saying.
InLove, there is no bitterness. I've been through this and SAVED my marriage. Many of the vets here have seen this 1000 times. We know what works and what doesn't.
I've never said saying you don't want a D is something you shouldn't say. I said it to my W when she was a walkaway. However, there is a RIGHT way to say it and a WRONG way to say it.
RIght way: "I understand you feel that this is what you need to do. I do not agree with it, and I do not want a divorce. However, I know that it takes two to make a marriage and only one to make a divorce. Therefore, I will not stand in your way if you continue to feel that is what you want."
Wrong way: Crying....."Please reconsider! I do not want a divorce. I will do anything you want me to do to prevent a divorce! Name it and I will do it!"
The other thing is that once you've stated it the right way....STOP SAYING IT. LBSs think their WASs have short memories and can't remember what the LBS has said before. Heck, LBSs also seem to think that WASs can't even remember what the WAS themselves had said before.
Moving on doesn't mean you go file for D, push it through, and go on your way. In fact, most of us say DO NOT MAKE THE D EASY. As in, do not do the WAS's dirty work for them. You don't have to try to stand in the way, but you do not have to move it forward.
Ex: WAS: "We need to call the court by Saturday to confirm our court date. Can you do that please?" LBS: "Sorry, I am very busy this week and will not have time to get to that."
Make them do the dirty work!
Moving on means you GAL. You detach. You work on yourself. Either he WILL come around and start working on fixing things (notice: NOT talking about it), or he won't. But the point of DBing is it is setting you the LBS up for the future no matter what that future is.
I hope this helps.
And if he is telling you that "it is electric when they touch", sorry, but that means you are still Plan B for now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
