IHCLACS - I will respond more thoughtfully later but real quick:
Forget the narrative in her head. She could think you are Charles Manson, who cares? Own your 50% responsibility.
Accept that you will be always misunderstood by your W. I hate this part too. This is what drives me in my weaker moments to want to R talk with her. Or just to tell her "I know you are planning D." It's part of the grieving process, but we need to reach acceptance.
