I reached out to a good friend of mine recently. He went through a D in 2011, with 3 small kids, similar to both of us. His wife had a PA, then BD'ed him. He didn't want D, but didn't stop his exWW. The process took 2 years, and he struggled a lot, but today he is happier and more fulfilled than ever in his life. He has 50/50 custody, he has an amazing girlfriend, and has such a balanced perspective on life. Summary of some his advice (it sounds very DB, even though he is not familiar with it):
- Breathe. This is a marathon. No need to sprint. - Don't react on emotion. If you feel intense emotion, do NOTHING. Acting on emotion, no matter how justified you feel, will only worsen your sitch. - Stop mind-reading. Focus on yourself. - You WILL come out of this happier. It is a fact. - Avoid confrontation. It will not help in any way. - Keep a journal, go for a walk. Experiment until you find a daily routine that works to keep you sane.
I should also say, his exWW ended up trying to recon when spousal support ran out. He didn't even need to think about it, he was so far removed and so much happier. Water off a duck's back.
I'm traveling for work next week. I'm going to miss the h*** out of my kids. But I'm also super excited to have some space, read some books on the plane, and work on myself. It is REALLY hard to detach and obtain some distance with 3 little kids - you are constantly around your W, constantly reminded of what's going on, constantly at home. Try to carve out your own space, do something for yourself, just get away from your sitch.
