Expecting BD soon (Part 2)

[si13]

U. I feel like I am reading my own words as you write them. I am dying inside, hoping to see results immediately after I DB. I want SO bad to have this self-confidence that would absolutely slay her and whether or not she comes to her senses, I could take it or leave it. That's how I WANT to feel about myself.

But I miss her like crazy. It's been 18 months since we've even touched each other (other than a hug) and I'm starting to become resentful about all she's taking me for granted.

But alas, I have glimmers of understanding this. I have but 1 life to live and I only have myself. I need to confidently stand for myself and my kids - I will be the best I can be, not affected by the affirmation or lackthereof by any woman, man or situation.

I want to reconcile. I want to be married. But the very best thing that could happen to me is to stand on my own 2 feet no matter what the future holds.

And then I miss her. I roll over and wish she was there like she used to be . It [censored] man, I know.