Today marks the 4 month mark for the Dr,. and I. So far I have not ran across any deal breakers and truthfully everything has been pretty boring so far between us. What I mean by boring is easy. Our lifestyles mesh, we do share some similar interests, and it has really felt comfortable from the start.
There are have been no kid introductions, we have not met any family or friends either, no I love you's have been exchanged, we are not FB friends nor friends on IG. No public photos of us either. We have also not had any fights so I have not seen that side of her yet. She isn't pressuring me either or forcing direct conversations to take place about our future, where this is going, etc.
She is sweet, caring, a giver, attractive, has a good job, take cares of herself, goes to church, is independent, and doesn't anything financial from me. Since she just opened her practice and is getting it off the ground, is not able to travel and spends her days with her son and at her practice.
4 months is the longest post divorce R for either of us so definitely unchartered territory and I know she is scared as well. I think that is why neither one of us is pushing each other.
I think that I do love her and it scares the h@ll out of me. I feel that I am afraid to let go, and express myself for fear of where it might take me. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
Last edited by job; 05/16/1908:33 PM. Reason: edited a word
You have been counting down that 4 month mark for 4 weeks now 😉 you are pretty fixated on the length of dating. It’s been almost 4 months since 3 months .... why the hyper focus on how long you’ve been together?
I can’t tell in your posts if you are trying to talk yourself INTO loving her , or talking yourself OUT of loving her? You repeat the same things often about her qualities.
There’s no need to push for anything right now. No need to get real scared . If at any point you are confident there is NO future, then you need to end it. Again. 4 months. Still in the early dating phase!
You made me think the other day that I had no clue what the date me and M’s first date was. No “anniversary” day so we did figure it out. We were 8 months on the 8th. I still feel we are early on. I see my future with him, no doubt. But neither of us is freaking out about any next steps. And my love for him just keeps going, even now when there are things that might bother me once in a blue moon. But we don’t need to figure out what our future is going to look like now. No pressure . But definite love.
I think I am fixated because this board makes me think about things I would never have thought of before. It makes me more hyper sensitive, more aware. Take your time, be patient, 6 month for kids minimum, etc. I guess I just feel the pressure starting to build.
I think I list her qualities because everyone here is objective and will usually point out things that I hadn't thought of before or potential issues that I am blind to. Everyone has been pretty quiet on her outside of some insecurities and not having a R with her father.
I do see a future and that is what scares me. I think that causes me to analyze things even more.
Dude - it's perfectly fine to feel this way. Scary as well.
None of us here are holders of some mystic truth nor custodians of the sacred rules.
Are you still seeing a counselor? Some of these things may best be discussed with a professional.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I think futures with new people are scary no matter what. Whether you are 20 or 50 divorced or not divorced. Like with anything, is the risk worth the reward?
I could isolate myself for the rest of my life just so I could ensure I don’t get hurt again. Or I can take the risk for something great.
Stop fixating on how long you’ve been together. The kid thing is important, waiting until you are sure sure , but the rest is meant to take it slow and stop worrying. Unless the doctor feels like she needs to be cohabitation and married by a certain time and you are on her timeline and it’s making you anxious, then that’s different
I'm not sure what others think about this, but at this point, wouldn't a trip together somewhere be an interesting way to get to see the other person out of the normal element and environment? Like a week getaway to a resort or whatever else.
I feel like you guys have gotten into a comfortable ritual and maybe it's time to dust up a few things and see how things unfold. Maybe it will bring more clarity about the other person and see how they handle themselves in different settings.
You always wanted someone with a bit of an edge. Why don't you both go and so something with a bit of an edge to it and see how it goes?
I'm just sayin'. Maybe I am completely off-base here but injecting some more fun and uncertainty might actually be good.
Dinner and quickie booty calls seems to be the extent of your dating. Go outside of your norm. Mix it up.
Do something different . Go to a sporting event, a festival. Have a fun day date. Start to socialize with other people. Look up fun different things. Do a house project together. Go grocery shopping together (seriously)
See a different side of each other . On our 4 th date M picked up a ton of hardwood with me and moved into my house with me. That said ALOT. The day after we went kayaking and fishing for 7 hours.
Mix it up! View each other in different environments.
