You know pouring out your heart and soul doesn’t work. BTW that only works in the movies.
True. On the flip side, if your partner closes off their heart and soul entirely, that also doesn't work. Some level of emotional intimacy needs to exist. Right now, she doesn't seem to want it.
Originally Posted by LH19
You could shower her with attention and affection? How would she respond to that?
About 2 weeks ago I considered giving her a simple card. Something along the Iines of: "I care about you, and I'm here for you. I hope we can work to repair and heal things and I want to do my part." Better judgment kicked in and I tore up the card.
I returned from a work trip about a month ago with a simple gift, and she not only said "You don't have to get me a gift" but said it several times.
Before things eroded, I used to stop at the store sometimes to bring her flowers. She would respond frustrated that I didn't tell her I was stopping at the store because I could have also picked up groceries.
Affection is not her LL. Other than a hug when I leave for work (where she almost turns her head a full 180 away from mine), there is no affection. From time to time I've tried just patting her on the back, or rubbing her feet in bed, but she initiates nothing.
Attention doesn't seem like what she wants right now either.
Originally Posted by LH19
Or you could giver her time and space to sort through her feelings which is mainly what DB suggests.
I guess I feel like I'm waffling between 2 extremes and maybe there is some middle ground. Maybe she read my apology letters as this extreme over-the-top out-pouring, and then I went full DB the past couple weeks. Time and space could be read as punishment. I don't know.
Limbo is a super-confusing place, especially when you throw in the accusations of emotional abuse, some of which are true, some of which are not. When every attempt to communicate you have to worry you will be documented, that you are being analyzed, that she may use this as some piece of evidence later... it is emotionally exhausting. My trust in my W has eroded. I think she is being secretive. She's on her phone a lot. I'm on my phone a lot. Honestly, I don't see us getting through this without MC, so maybe DB until MC is the right choice. I would hate to look back and regret that I didn't do more to try to reconnect, especially since this erosion has been going on for months, but I just don't know how to do that. I am working hard on validating when we do talk, which is maybe one way the door may re-open again in the future. OK now I'm just rambling...
