Unchien. You're my hero. This entire thread resonates with me SO much. You're gonna do great.
My IC has a phrase that I have attached myself to:
"Today is Wednesday (or whatever day it is), and whatever happens today, I'm more than capable to figure it out."
Like you, I have attached my Ws affection to my worthiness and man has it gone terribly. It was never meant to be that way. And now unraveling myself from it hurts but is proving most rewarding.
I remember my BD day just 3 weeks ago. My W looked over at me, dropped it and asked, "are you going to be ok?"
And I said with a smile, "I'll figure it out"
I left after the session and wept HARD, but since that day I've practiced the art of walking in only today. And it's working. Not perfectly. But it's working.
Si13 - Thank you for sharing your story. I also gravitate to your thread. Our sitches share many commonalities.
Being pre-BD, I constantly worry that I am over-DB'ing right now, that I should back off a bit and try to stay a bit more connected to my W. Things are getting more and more awkward between us by the day. We text and talk about our kids almost exclusively. We sleep in the same bed, but always go to bed at different times. Sometimes I think she suspects that I am having an EA/PA. The communication is so broken --- it is so hard to fight off that instinct to want to reach out to her and R-talk.
Then I remind myself -- I wrote 3 letters and 2 e-mails apologizing for so many things - some of them emotionally abusive, some of them misunderstandings. I poured my heart out. I reached out, asking to talk so I could understand her feelings. Crickets.
The only thing giving me any hope is that W is trying to find MC's for us to visit in July. And I know this is likely part of her D timeline.
Any advice here on whether I should DB so hard when I am pre-BD? I know I need to DB for my self-improvement, but for interactions with my W, should I modify my approach?
