The End is Nigh

[InLove42]

Wow, is that his usual way of responding? Were you nagging him about staying late?

This was a new way of responding, but he can be stubborn and short-sighted.

I highly doubt she or he will ever get therapy. Let alone get it with me. This woman hates me. I mean, hates me. It's one of the reasons my husband says he is leaving me. He can't have a wife who his new family hates (even after 25 years of being with him), and he wants to move in with his mother. Plus, he now thinks I'm co-dependent because we spend time doing stuff together but his mother's husband does his own thing. He doesn't see that this is why she needs to text him 250 times a day and talk to him on the phone for hours each day and see each other alone all the time. He's way too smitten with her to see any of this.

[quote]You will not win his heart by demands, anger, accusations, blaming, nagging, and all the other stuff women do to gain control over a situation they fear they will lose.

I haven't done this stuff in a while. I've let him do what he wants, but he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't want to be with me.

[quote]I want to suggest that you do some very deep soul searching, and decide what you want to improve in yourself as a woman......and as a wife.

I have been. I am actually quite introspective. I have been doing counseling. I have been reading books. He says he has nothing to work on. He says I'm the one who needs to change. I have quite a few goals.

[quote]Men love cheerleaders! Did you know that a man's number one desire is to be admired? If the W isn't his cheerleader, there are plenty of other women who are willing to do the job. At the moment, your MIL is trying to make up to her son for her decision to abandon him when he was a baby. Naturally she's going to praise him, and say whatever makes him good.

I have been doing this lately, but it doesn't seem to be doing much. I mean, except for his weird push/pull. He has hugged me, thanked me for spending time with him, told me he missed our life and how we were together, and yesterday he told me he loved me when I went to get us coffee. I was getting in the car, and he said, "I love you."
After that, though nothing. He was just nice to me. No hugs, no touching at all.

Does it bother his male pride that you earn more than him? Does he have a full time job?
Some of these things are helping to see a clearer picture. I don't think it was one thing (that I can determine at this point) that weakened the MR before mommy came on the scene, but maybe putting some things together helped in working toward him running to her for comfort. Male pride can be crippling, and so far I see two things that were working to make him feel insecure in himself as a man.

He does have a full time job, but it pays horribly. I don't know how to help that. He has tried to find jobs. I have told him he can do it, but he can't find anything.

[quote] To clarify when I speak about controlling your emotions, I mean the negative type. Yelling, crying, berating, threats, temper tantrums, etc.

I don't do this. I am trying to play it cool.



He is playing games. Doing push-pull. He hugged me the day before yesterday: twice. Yesterday, I left to get us coffees, and as I was leaving he said "I love you." Speaking of our best couple friends, he said if you see them before I do, say "hello." But, I mean, you might not, so. This is the only time he has referenced our old life together. But then, no hugs this morning. Still slept on the sofa. Still stayed away from me for the most part, physically. No real references to us other than that. I just don't get him.