Sadly, I don't think he realizes this last appearance was likely his last chance. When he shut us out of his recovery, we all sorta closed the door. I know he will come back around, like he always does, saying, "I needed to get sober on my own first." And, while that's probably the case, the memory of being cut out of his life AGAIN remains like another war wound.
I remember someone saying on here, "You'll know when you're done." Yep, it hit me in the grocery store a few months back. "I'm done."
Sadly, our oldest feels the same way, and our youngest only has occasional polite conversation via text. Tragic.
But, the thing is, it doesn't feel like OUR tragedy anymore. We are okay. It's painful, but we are okay and life keeps getting better. It's his tragedy, not ours.
Thank you for the feedback Gerda. He doesn't want to talk about anything with me right now. So, I don't communicate with him. I don't think it would matter if we discussed only the weather. His disease has us wrapped up tightly in his drug use. When he talks to us about anything, he feels triggered.
And, what's more, we are too healthy now to have an empty relationship with anyone. We are now accustomed to safe, loving relationships where you speak up if you are having a feeling. He can't do that. He just can't.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
