Hi Wolf, I have followed your story as it's similar to my own just a couple of years later and I see similarities in our wives.
LH's question is a good one and one I have asked myself many times over the past few years and your answer is also similar to my thinking. The reasons are not horrible, like you said it's that fear of change.
It's a hard thing to see right now but in my case having had my own place, doing what I want when I don't have my kids and doing many great things with them when I do have them, away from the toxic environment where I never felt I could do enough, where I just felt like someone's slave, I have realised how much better a father I am first and foremost.
If your W is a narcissist/emotional bully, it's likely that it will get harder before it gets easier. Mine gets in touch when she isn't getting her supply especially if I have been NC for awhile. She is also great at playing the victim, I have heard most things over the past few years since I having been moving on with my life.. "I am punishing her", "I am teaching her a lesson", "I am selfish and nasty", "I am a awful father", "I will go to jail if I don't give her money" (this one she told our kids which put them in tears and her response was that they didn't understand her).
It's all about trying to lower your confidence, guilt trips, anything to keep that supply.
