I second what LH has said. Way worse in your head compared to how it will play out.
My IC was CBT. I am not sure if a MFT would help in your case, but I have no direct experience with a MFT counselor. You may want to try it to see if it's a good fit. I'd stick with CBT because you're focusing more on you at this point than her.
Re: meditation - I do a silent meditation where I focus on my breath and let thoughts come and go. Every time my mind wanders, I bring the focus back to the breath. I know it's challenging at first, but it takes time to quiet your mind. If guided meditation works better for you, then do that. I am not ideological about the method of meditation. I just prefer silent. I put on some ambient music to create a conducive environment.
Yes, it is definitely a good de-stress and relaxation method, but I've found it's helped me improve my cognitive and emotional abilities. I am way more calmer and mentally together because of it. I also find it creates a super reflective space afterwards and I am able to think more clearly.
If guided works for you, then stick with it. The key is consistency. You'll see results in a few months down the line. Exercise patience. I'd also so generally that if you're doing less than 20 minutes a day, it will prolong results. However many people aren't able to do 20 minutes out of the gate. I'd start with 5 minutes and then build your capacity. I started with 15 minutes and then slowly built it to 45 minutes. I do 15 minutes in the morning and 45 in the evening.
There's tons of good research and resources out there. I believe Emily Fletcher has a new book out that I've heard is pretty good. I haven't checked it out yet, but I've heard a few podcasts with her and she's really great.
Yuval Noah Harari talks about how meditation changed his life and he was in the same predicament as you - couldn't sit still for 5 minutes. But he built his ability over time. I'd say that be compassionate and take small steps and be consistent. Take in a learning approach and growth mindset. btw, another great book that was a game changer for me is on growth mindset by Carol Dweck. Check it out.
I also had big assists on my parenting approach from books by Robert W. Greene and Shefali Tsabary. I'd definitely endorse them big time.
On another note - don't be a lamb waiting to go to slaughter. Looks like you're in misery just waiting for BD. Just start focusing on yourself and going on your personal journey. You have the advantage of being better prepared for it compared to almost all of us here who got blindsided by it. The more you improve yourself, the better you'll be for whatever comes.
Stay strong; be self-compassionate, and get more self-aware.
