13 years and 2 kids pt. 5

[Hurt213]

A bit of journaling on my own thread.


Things are progressing nicely with the house. We have 3 interested buyers who are currently "feeling out" what they want to offer, and one concrete offer that was too low for us to consider - I am pretty confident about the house being gone soon.

I am having a really easy time keeping my PMA in check, and I dont experience any significant spinning these days.

Basically I am having my picnic, and I like it. My ex is deep inside the castle, and she called me yesterday to ask about the summer holidays (parent schedule), because she is going on a vacation with her boyfriend. <-- So that actually got to me a little. Mainly because we have been struggling with my depression and the fact that we have two toddlers, so we haven't been going on vacations, but mainly been staying in our own country, and had agreed to do these things now when the kids were older.

So yea, that made me feel like my life was overtaken by someone else, but im alright. Its those little things that I just need to deal with when they come around. I am taking the kids on a vacation, and have been saving up for that for a while now, so I am exited.

I can't help but feel like, she is neglecting the kids a little, and thats just stupid of me. She is taking them on a 3 day trip, and thats basically what they will get to experience (I can't help but have a sour feeling of her spending so much money on trips for herself, and then the kids are left with scraps) - However thats emotional me. The logical me knows that my kids will have a great time with their mom, and that they will enjoy their holiday with her, no matter what they do and where they are.

So where does that leave me? Well I guess I am currently a bit scared of the unknown. Not the unknown that my ex is no longer a part of, but just the fact, that I feel like I have to start all over and I need to learn how to walk. I have been crawling for a while, and now its time for me to rise up, and see if my feet can carry my new self.

I am still in the gym 5 times a week, I am running, I am playing golf and I am socializing with my friends.

So here are the things I currently struggle with, and the things I am talking with my IC about - maybe you can help me further along.

Still spinning occasionally with above mentioned stuff. Things we were supposed to do now, that we were finally able to, and now she is off doing that with someone else.

I lost most of my social circle when I became depressed, and I am realizing that I need to make new friends and reactivate old ones. Thats definitely hard for me. Most of our mutual friends have continued to socialize with my ex and her new OM, and since I am single, well I am just not that much fun on couples nights, so most of those are not someone I talk to much or do anything with these days.


So yea, I got work cut out for me .