she does know exactly what she's doing and I have to walk on eggshells not to upset her as she knows I'm trying to salvage the M and keep the peace.
Maybe she should wonder if you want to salvage the M. Whenever a spouse is taken for granted, ............well, you know better than anyone how it feels, right? She is truly taking you and the M for granted, and that is why she doesn't respect you and why she is not working on the MR.
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She has ruled the roost from the moment she took the intimacy away 18 months ago
The spouse who least desires the intimacy is the one who controls.
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I need to get to tactfully practice my responses "I have all the confidence that you can prepare dinner in the 3 hours". But I am keenly aware of my own propensity to be sarcastic and recovering from being belittling. This I can admit.
I'm the same way. But you know, when she says something that is so obvious about her intentions.......why should you care if your response has a sarcastic ring? I mean, she's taking advantage and controlling you, and I think you should let her know you're not playing along. If you can say it with some humor, then more power to you. (Maybe I'm having an off day.)
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She is poking the h*** out of me with passive-aggressive jabs lately. Mentioning things "in jest" that she knows have bothered me, joking about certain things around the kids, trying to play house like we have a fun relationship still.
Okay, let's talk about this. First of all, she KNOWS she's poking you, but it goes further than just poking. You need to recognize this behavior for what it really is. This a common show of disrespect that a W does in front of others. She says it in front of the children, which makes it even more disrespectful toward her H. She is pretty sure he is not going to confront her about it in front of the kids. She says it in a passive-aggressive way, and expects the H to simply ignore any action, but both of them know she's poking. She may say it in sort of a joking, but not really funny way. So in case the H should complain, she'll accuse him of not being able to take a joke. But she knows better than anyone she is putting him down in front of his own children. So........what is the best way of handling this? I'm probably not the one to give that answer. (ha) I simply don't believe in allowing the W to get by with that display of disrespect. The longer the H doesn't address it, the worse she'll get. I don't mean he should do it in front of the kids, but he should confront her about it. Let her know it is not funny and it is disrespectful and it needs to stop. I think he should have something in mind for what he will do if she doesn't cooperate. If she's done this for a long time, she is going to test you to see what you'll do.
Some posters may tell you to not let her bother you. Well, there are some things you can let run off your back and ignore, and some things you can't. IMHO, anything that indicates disrespect should be nipped in the bud, and not allowed to continue. Some things you can turn around, and some you can't. Since I'm not there and can't hear it, you will have to decide what you see as disrespect. I don't like the "poking" just to get a rise out of you. That's her daring you, to see how just how far she can carry things. Another form of verbal disrespect. I think some H's with NGS try to tell themselves to just ignore it, and even tell each other that same advice.........but I can't go along with it when she's putting her H down, no matter if it's in a form of a "joke" or whatever. It's still disrespect.
What you can let run off your back is her whining, having pity parties, giving the silent treatment or cold shoulder. But not a show of disrespect. Make sense?
Here's the thing that really gets next to me about LBH's with NGS. They think that saving the M means they have to silently take whatever poop the W throws on them. Nothing could be farther from reality. If she is wayward, the first thing he has to do is command respect. If he can't have her respect, then they will never have a happy MR. That's the bottom line, b/c she can't desire him and feel disrespect for him. Women are designed where their "in love" feelings are tied to their level of adoration. If not from some physical problem, then rest assured that whenever a W stops being intimate with her H, it's b/c she doesn't adore him as a man. Can it be restored? Yes, in cases where the W is cooperative.
How old are your kids?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
