Hi Kate. Sorry to hear about your sitch but I can tell you from experience, time and space does help. I can’t remember how old your kids are but mine are 11. They have adjusted reasonably well to the new normal. Today I asked my daughter if there were good things about having two homes and she was able to list some off. On one level, that kinda hurt but on another, I was happy to hear she is feeling okay. She says my home is still her home in her heart but she is fine to spend time with her dad and is having fun decorating her second bedroom. My son probably isn’t quite as okay as she is (he’s his mama’s boy) but is still doing relatively well. The one piece of advice I can give you is to be very careful with how you present to them. They will look to you for your reaction. They love you and want to make sure you are okay. If you look okay, they will take the news easier. If you find yourself getting emotional, just make sure you follow it up with a talk about how you are sad, of course, but that you are fine and that you want them to love their dad and to spend time with him.
I know how tough this is Kate. I hated all of this right from the beginning. And my H wanted 50/50 custody which felt like another slap to the face as he had spent the last four years pretty much ignoring them too. But...I have to tell you, I am not hating the time away from them. I get to have days where I sleep in and don’t have to worry about making lunches or driving to various appointments. I get time to myself and also get to spend time with friends and, lately, with a guy who makes me feel like a woman again...not just a “mom”. And when I do see them, they get a rested, happy mom which is more than what they had before.
There is life after divorce, I promise you. Do I still wish it hadn’t happened and that my H and I had been able to work through our challenges. Of course...I always wanted an intact family for our kids. But, truth be told, I have been pretty miserable the last few years living with his ghost (he had emotionally checked out of our relationship years ago) and am finally happy again. You will get there too. (((HUGS)))
