Looking for some support - WAW and MLC

[Sh74]

Thank you AnotherStander for such a powerful response.

First I'm going to say something that will have to become your mantra through this- you will never understand why this happened. Your W probably doesn't understand why she is doing this either. She's being driven by something deep inside, a feeling that things aren't right and a desire for them to be better. It will very likely take her years to come to grips with these feelings and decide what she wants in life. This has a lot more to do with a journey she is on than anything you did wrong in the M.

I hope that you are right about this. She seems pretty convinced that this is all my fault, but boy I have always been her biggest fan. I have always adored her. I have been beating myself up for months now that this is all my fault.

Again I readily identify with everything you're saying! But here's the thing, it's not your choice.

This is the hardest thing for me to come to grips with. This isn't my choice. It seems like no matter how much I change, I am never able to make her happy.

One of the things I kept telling people after BD is that my XW and I never fought, but I eventually learned that wasn't a good thing. A lack of conflict usually points to a lot of pent-up resentment. My XW was VERY resentful and never expressed it, and the reason for that resentment was a lack of effective communication in our M which was the fault of both of us.

I think the fact that we both don't like conflict is a huge problem. We need to learn how to talk to each other.

That comes with time and is a byproduct of GAL and changing your focus.

I really need to figure out how to GAL. I am going to the gym, but I am still hovering around the house too much.

She still loves you, and even though she may look like the ice princess on the outside, on the inside she is really in a lot of pain and turmoil. She knows she's hurting you and the kids and she hates herself for it. But she feels desperate to escape and feels she is justified.

I hope that she wakes up and realizes the pain she is going to put our kids through. I still can't believe that she is willing to put me through it.

None of that is going to change anything. You've got to let her go before she might want to come back.

I so hope this isn't true. I hope that I can win her back by showing how good of a husband I am.