Thank you, Gerda! I love the way you see things. I suppose you are right, our lingering feelings despite what we've been been put through, does suggest that unconditional love is a real thing. Maybe not something that everyone is capable of, but that it is indeed a real thing. And obviously that is in reference to romantic love, I think we all know it exists in the relationships we have with our children.
I loved reading Amy Cs posts. To the point that I copied and pasted them to a word doc so that I could reread them without having to hunt them down. I also really liked reading Stayed's and her husbands posts. Have you read those? Her husbands comments are very enlightening, especially after reading what they went through. There is also another former MLCer that posted quite a bit on another forum. She was danjef34. She shared quite a bit.
A bit of journaling after mothers day. Mother's day was my weekend with the kids, but of course I took them to Ws house to let them spend some time together for mothers day. She wanted them to make her brunch so the day before I took the kids to the grocery store to pick up the stuff, and took them to the mall to get a gift for her...and to buy her flowers. The next morning when I took them over to her house, I was unsure whether I should stay with them or just drop them off to spend time with her. I had plans to take them with me to my moms after so if I just dropped them off it would only be for a couple of hours. So, I asked her if she wanted me to just drop them off since I didn't want to interfere with her time with them. She said if I didn't mind dropping them off. Then she paused and followed up with that I could stay if i wanted to. That wasn't really the invitation I was looking for so I decided it probably best to leave. I was then putting on my shoes when she offered me coffee...so I ended up staying. It was kind of weird. She is pleasant enough around me, but we just seem so distant. She feels like someone I barely know, not a person I spent 20 years of my life with and was my best friend and lover. Eventually time was over and we left for my moms.
When I got to my moms house, she shared with me that W had texted her a nice mothers day message. I was surprised at this. W has not contacted my family for anything pretty much since BD. W was like a daughter to my mom, and like a sister to my sisters. Lots of love all around. After BD, W pretty much stopped talking to them. She didn't ignor them or be rude to them, just kind of stopped reaching out to them for anything. My mom reached out to her once early on. It was a loving and motherly message, and Ws reply to it almost read like a goodbye. I have always loved and respected you and despite what happens...yada yada...that kind of reply. Well, Ws mothers day message said "I learned so much on how I want to raise S and D from watching you. I respect you so much as a mother and grandmother. I hope you get spoiled today, you deserve it. Happy mothers day!" Then, my mom replied with " Oh (Ws name), thank you and I love you. You have taught me a lot as well - we've learned from each other. Happy mothers day to the beautiful mother of my sweet grandbabies! (they will always be grand "babies" to me!" Then wife followed up with "I love you, enjoy the day!"
This back and forth was pretty surprising to me. I have not heard W say I love you to anyone but our kids for quite some time. Possibly a couple of years. For it to be to my mom. And for her to send such a nice message to my mom who she hasn't talked to in quite some time...and not as a reply. W initiated that. I don't even know what to make of that...so I file it away. No expectations...GAL, detach.
Anyways...I hope all of you are doing ok today. Its a beautiful day in TX. Let me know if you have any feedback, but otherwise just journaling a bit.
