My husband filed for divorce last week, and he has been asking me to see the lawyer. I keep repeating the same mantra to him. I filed a response to his petition that asks for a separation working toward reconciliation. He is coming home during the week and staying with his mother on the weekends. Yesterday was bad. I don't know his phone number, so I emailed him asking him to unlock the controls on our AC and to deposit money in the account where our bills are coming out. He ignored both messages over the weekend. I asked him why. He was cocky and rude. He said the house was nasty. I told him to clean. He said I was the one there, except the times I'm off partying. I sat there. I asked him if he would mow. He said if he feels like it. He had camaras up, and I took them down. I told him that I felt like I was being watched, like the novel 1984, and I was going to move out right away if he didn't remove them. I said I can't live under these conditions. It was too much. He said, fine, I'm removing them. He started railing into me about how he was glad he was getting the divorce, how I am out partying with my friends, etc. (I hang out with my girlfriends and went salsa dancing a couple of times), how I spent the weekend away, and how I am trying to pick up men. I told him again that I am not wanting a divorce. He was angry and yelling at me. I said again, "I am not looking for another man, but you can't expect me to stay home. I do not want a divorce. I would prefer a separation. I love you." He slammed the door and took off.
I was distraught and crying all day off and on. I didn't understand his vitriol. I came home later and he was there cleaning the house, sweeping the floor. I asked him if a realtor was coming by. He said, no that he was just cleaning. He asked me if I would go see his lawyer on Thursday. I told him I filed an answer and that it asks for a separation working toward reconciliation. I said it's so stupid. There's no reason we can't reconcile. We're not incompatible. He said I'd ruined it for him. He can never go back to his old life because all our friends know about him leaving me. I told him they love him and that I've never said anything bad about him. I told him that I took responsibility for my own actions and my control issues. I don't know if he believed me but we talked about our synagogue and then he just started crying. He said he missed our life together and how we were together. I asked him if he missed me. He said yes. I told him I missed him. I had to go to counseling, but when I got home we talked and talked and watched a show together. He gave me a hug at the end of the night and said he had a lot of fun, and he was glad we could hang out like this. (mixed signal). He held my hand during nightly prayers, which he said with me.
He still slept on the sofa. He Then when I woke up we had coffee before he went to work. He gave me a big hug before he left. I don't know what to think. I don't want to press him. I am doing counseling and working on myself. I am not acting like I don't care. I keep telling him I don't want a divorce that I love him and miss him. I don't randomly say that. I only say it in relation to the divorce. I tell him that I respect him and I apologize for my control issues and for letting it get to this point. Not sure what to think. Are these just games? I am certain he will go to stay with his mother again, soon.
