What are examples of behaviors you w views as toxic but you do not?
One example (from months ago) would be trying to talk about affection or intimacy in an open, loving way. Just raising the topic made her feel shamed, blamed, and stressed out. Was this due to my prior actions? It’s a chicken-and-egg thing... I feel like she never felt comfortable discussing these things. Before kids it was no problem because we were both happy with our intimacy. Of course once I did bring it up and she didn’t respond, I spiraled into excessive reassurance seeking which was clearly toxic. But before then not toxic. Even in MC it was clear she was just uncomfortable talking about it. It’s my 5LL.... just a tough situation.
There’s other things I would call differences of opinion but not toxic. Housework is a big one. I feel like I do my fair share at this point. I won’t go into it too much... the FT/SAH split the last 2 years has really tested us. I’ve made some incremental improvements in both what I do and my general mindset. I’m much more likely now to see something that needs doing, and just do it. No asking W. we finally have a twice-monthly house cleaner which I have pushed for for years.
Other stuff? Once a MLC/WAS is angry I think even innocuous things can be viewed as toxic.
