My youngest started crying again last night before soccer practice and making up excuses as to why she didn't want to go. I finally just sat her down and had a conversation with her. She ended up telling me she doesn't want to play any more and she is fine with quiting. It was disappointing but I sort of figured that would be the answer. I then drove up to practice and told the coach that she was done. Maybe she will pick it up again maybe she won't. TBH I don't think she likes to sweat and prefers the sports that are indoors. Oh well, it is what it is.
The Dr's birthday is next week, she turns 47. I am going to send flowers to her office (roses this time as it's been 4 months) and I bought her a necklace as well. It was under $100 so it's not too extravagant. She likes to drink wine so as a gag gift I am also getting her a Wine Rack (essentially a wine bra). It has a straw coming out of it so she can drink wine out of it along with using it for support. We will probably go out to dinner as well.
I don't feel any pressure (she is not putting any pressure on me) but I do feel that I am placing pressure on myself. Analyzing and questioning vs just enjoying. Some times I do very well and am in the moment and other times I am not. My best friend told me I need to meditate every day and it has really helped him out a ton. He sent me a couple of links as well on what he listens to. I have confided in him and he just tells me to do what I want to do each day and don't think about anything further in the future. That after 4 months it is perfectly normal to not be sure, and it's ok as I got burned by my XW pretty bad. He just stresses to live in the moment and to not think about anything else. Easier said then done but I am trying.
I remember when I started dating my XW I never thought about marriage when we started dating. Us getting married just sort of happened. Now that I am older, more experienced, etc. I don't find myself thinking that way. My mind immediately shifts to whether or not this person is marriage material because if they are not why waste time. I find myself not evaluating them for just GF or a piece of booty but whether or not they have the potential for something more.
I think that is what causes me to not be in the moment and gets my anxiety up/stresses me out. The Dr. is not a hook up or piece of booty type of girl. While she is not pressing me and may be happy with the status que she is not out to just randomly date with no purpose.
