It is really hard. What helps me is a combination of humility and pragmatism. The humility because however many books I've read and however much IC I've had, I really don't know best for other people - I don't know best for myself lots of the time. And the pragmatism because it is probably a universal fact that unasked for advice and suggestions never ever ever work. Humans are like that. I need to practice the fine art of STFU more often! So hard...
When I have chosen work instead of my family - and I did, for a long time - it was because I could be successful and important at work, and I knew what to do. At home I felt unloved, excluded and like a total failure. A lot of that was in my head - due to my childhood - and it was my responsibility to process and sort out. Some of it was PND. Some of it was a kind of spiritual self pity that I am plagued with and still need to keep tabs on. And some of it was because of how H was treating me. Work became a refuge away from all those feelings of not being good enough, because at work I could be good enough pretty much all the time, and it was easy to know what to do to achieve that. Maybe he senses you disapprove of him and that's a tiny part of the picture here, but I suspect if he is anything like me (and the more you describe him, the more I can identify with him...) most of it is his own stuff.
I hope thursday goes well. A red lipstick day for you.
