Trying to focus on simplicity. PMA, 180s, GAL, Validate, Detach, Boundaries. Simplicity helps.
GAL Went for a walk outside after kids went to sleep tonight. We live in a remote area in the woods. Best 30 minutes of my last week, just clearing my headspace while dusk turned to darkness. I felt great about this.
Also decided to go shop for some new clothes tomorrow. This is new for me, in the past I have relied on my W alot. I have a lot of old, shabby looking shirts so a wardrobe improvement is long overdue.
Detach W asked me if I received a b-day card from her D’d friend who I believe is her closest confidante in this ordeal. I said, “Yes” then paused and said “She sends me a card every year, she is so thoughtful. Have you heard from her recently?” Then just listened. Not sure how well I did here.
W also mentioned she is trying to contact MC’s but having no luck finding availability. I said, “OK” and that was that.
180s I am still confused here as many newbies are. On the one hand, I need to 180 from attempting to “fix” things and have R talks. On the other hand, I have also been accused at times of being distant and withholding affection.
I get really confused on 180s. It seems like there are a few categories: - Obviously toxic behaviors (abuse, etc.). - Behaviors which may be viewed as toxic by your spouse, but not yourself -> what do you do here? - Ways to improve (chores, becoming a better parent, etc.) - Conflicting behaviors (don’t chase, but don’t be too distant) -> very confusing to us newbies I think
Anyways - my biggest 180 is just not bringing up the state of our M. I have the constant worry that I am making a huge mistake by not trying one more calm approach, but I’m going with it.
Overall today was a good day, for me. I’m not worried about whether it impacted my M, at least not today. Changing up little things felt great. Not much of an opportunity to work on Boundaries or Validation. PMA is a work in progress.
