I know divorce court can be heavily slanted in favor of a wife, but you say it will be "pretty complicated" to make it possible for 50/50. I say so what, do it. But if it's not worth it to you, if it's too hard for you then you're right. If you decide it's doable and you'll achieve it no matter what than you're right again.
After a lot of thinking on things, I'm going to be doing anything I can to shoot for as much custody as possible... right now it will not be 50/50, but I am working on getting money set aside to get into an apartment before the end of the year so my son can have his own space while he is over, with the goal to take him just about every weekend and maybe during the summer months full time.
Anyway in the past few week:
5/3 I picked my son up and it was a basically neutral exchange. We had a great weekend together, we went to a local kids festival, I took him to a video arcade which he thought was the best thing ever, played Legos a bunch, etc.
Prior to dropping him off on 5/5, me and my son got some dinner together since he was hungry. Previously W complained once that I "dropped him off too early" so I was taking my time to get him back there. Before it was usually around 6pm, She texted me and asked if I had left yet about that time. I told her we were getting dinner still near me, and we'd be there some time between 7:10-7:20ish. Her reply was "That's fine just wanted to make sure I was out of the shower to unlock the door." In my mind overprocessing every little thing... I wonder why she went through the trouble to give those details. Oh well.
When actually dropping him off, the W made some snide remarks at how I've been dressing. "Who's been helping you get dressed lately?" to which I replied "Why does it matter?" She was making fun of the "skinny" jeans I was wearing. Whatever. I didn't let it bother me. I was wearing some slim jeans and a polo that made me look pretty nice if I do say so myself.
She has wanted to put a stop to me coming over to visit on Wednesday nights... so before leaving I asked if it was OK for me to come over and take him out to dinner or do something with him so that she doesn't "have" to leave.. she said that was fine.
So this past Wednesday rolls around, I send her a text as I leave work at 5 "Just making sure it's still ok for me to pick S6 up for dinner?" and she said yeah.
I get there, walk in, my son is there, so I ask if he wants to go get something to eat. "NO" being a typical 6yo boy. Then the W immediately jumps on me and says "He already ate dinner at my mom's place" like I was supposed to know that...? I paused for a second or two and asked her "so... what do you want me to do?" because I know she didn't want me staying there... I could have taken him outside somewhere to play... etc...
She goes off on a rant about how me coming over is inconveniencing her... I'm a "crappy coparent," and I'm "getting off easy" by only having to pay child support and only have him every other weekend... etc etc. She dropped the F bomb right in front of S6 at least 3 times. I reiterated to her that I messaged her just an hour ago to specifically avoid this and that I couldn't be a mind reader (which that may have been a bit abrasive, but I was baited into it). She ended up getting her stuff together and left.
I played videogames with my son for a few minutes then went to the bathroom to break down over this whole situation. I didn't want him to see me like that.
Once I came out we played a bit more, then he said he wanted to go to the beach... so I took him to the beach. Her comments were still bugging me... and I decided that I would not be talked to that way. I sent her a text:
Me: We're going to have a talk when you get back.
W: About what?
Me: How this is going to work/what exactly you want. And no more yelling and cursing in front of S6. That was completely uncalled for. S6 just informed me he wants to go to the beach, so we'll be there for a little while.
W: You can just start picking him up from my mom on Wednesday if you want to see him. Yeah it was but I can't keep my composure around you because of everything you put me through the last 9 years and your crappy coparenting.
Me: I just want a calm discussion. I know I wasn't the greatest husband/parent, but I can't do anything about the past. I want to change that going forward. I can't even attempt to take on more of a role when you belittle me for tell you I'd like to, then you yell at me because I don't do enough. I'd like to attempt talking briefly, if it doesn't work then so be it, I'll leave. Going to the beach now.
We had a very short talk when we got back.. I basically just stated that I can't be more of a parent when she won't let me, then turns around and complains I'm not there enough, then left.
