Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 6

[Davide]

Rough weekend. It felt like the arrival of the divorce papers ripped the scab off of the wound and exposed it to the fresh air once again. I felt emotions that I hadn't struggled with in quite some time. It certainly wasn't with the same intensity as before, I described it as the smoldering embers rather the full-fledged conflagration that consumed me just over a year ago. Still, they hurt to touch.

It was also lonely. All of my friends in town were hanging out at a party with EW and her man, my dates dried up (mainly by my own accord) and I was left to process all of these emotions mainly by myself. I got out on Saturday climbing for a good three hours. I also went out to yoga on my bike. Just getting the mile and a half there was epic because of the sheet of rain and roaring streams where there should be streets. I was so drenched from those ten minutes that I had to change before yoga! I also made it back out to yoga on Sunday morning, and then did a three hour social bike ride. All this to say that I didn't just sit around the house and mope all weekend.

I called a friend on the other coast looking for someone to commisserate with. He's a very close friend but it is hard to stay in touch bc of the distance and the fact he has two little ones under the age of four. He let me know that his wife has breast cancer. Thankfully only stage one, but even that must be terrifying to deal with. Especially with little kids. It definitely have me a big of a reality check about the insignificance of my problems.

My Prof bailed on weekend plans again, and I was oh so close to snapping and writing a note telling her that I was out. But she mentioned that she was going through a family situation, so when I finally responded a day later I simply wished her the best with the family situation and told her she knew where to find me if she wanted to meet up. She immediately responded and we ended up talking on the phone for a good 40 minutes. Turns out her mom is in the hospital for what seems to be some very serious tests (she already survived two rounds of cancer) and this is halfway around the world, so she is freaking out with worry. We had a very cathartic talk about that, and I told her about my struggles dealing with the finality of the divorce. She, along with a number of other people in my life, expressed surprise that I wasn't celebrating the fact, overjoyed to be out of a bad marriage. But she was also very understanding when I explained my perspective. It was the first time that I feel like she made herself truly vulnerable with me and expressed real emotion, and I'm glad. I still need to do a better job of checking my expectations at the door. At this point I just want to spend time with her to get to know her better and to see if this initial fit can hold up.