Lots of good advice on your thread. Here is a couple of things as reinforcements.
1. Have healthy boundaries 2. Don't go to MC unless you both explicitly agree prior to it that it is to work on the MR. If she's using MC to break the news, then it's just a way to softly break the news to you. Don't do that. 3. GAL.
Yes, GAL is difficult with a FT job and 3 kids. How well do you manage your time? GAL isn't about something big. It's about taking time for yourself to do something. It could a 30 minute stroll. It could be catching up with friends over a drink. It could be so many things. It could be an activity once a week that brings you joy.
The purpose of GAL is to break the negative cycle of thinking and finding joy in the world. Finding joy that is just for you and what brings happiness to you as a person. Even small moments can help.
There's always time. I am super busy but I made up a schedule and I saw how much free time I had if I made different choices. I wake up at 5am and it gives me ample time to do some things for myself.
Don't wait for BD. Just start living your life with the mindset that you are trying to improve your mental, emotional and physical health. You are rediscovering what makes you feel alive and content.
When I was hit with BD and trying to make sense of things, I realized that my kids were my priority. But I also realized that if I didn't take care of my 'needs' I wasn't the best parent to them. So I developed a 'Law of Needs'. This is what I came up with. I identified my needs and the kids needs and put them on the same level playing field. My needs were as important as theirs. And then I saw where our needs intersected which led to get new activities that we could do together. The other rule was that any time the kids needs conflicted with mine, I would prioritize their needs in that moment and defer my own needs to a later date - but I always got to them and didn't let them slip through the cracks.
Get in the mindset that what you need is important and your health matters in all areas of life. I can tell you that once I adopted this method and went on my own learning journey, I became an even better parent. My relationship with my kids is at a whole new level now. Taking care of yourself is paramount and there will be rippling effects that will compound.
