Do you think there's someone at his dinner during his weekend away that he doesn't want you to meet? Perhaps not an OW as such, but a group of friends that see a side to him he knows you don't approve of? I hear a lot of not-approval in your posts - of his work habits, his drinking, the way he handles his relationships with the kids and his mother. I don't blame you - I don't approve of him much either, but then again, I don't want to be married to him. I guess the challenge for both of us is choosing to be in the corner of someone who is making choices we don't like. I don't know how to do that or even if I want to do it.
I boss my H about a bit too and I've let him know - in detail - when I don't approve of his choices. Especially when it comes to parenting. I've done - ever since I got into IC a couple of years ago - LOADS of reading about positive parenting, non-violent communication, growth mindset - all that stuff. I know for a fact that it has improved my parenting and I needed that help because I am estranged from my family and had terrible role models as parents. But it also turned me into a bit of a critic (and probably, at times, an insufferable known it all) of H and while I still think he has a lot of shortcomings as a parent, my criticisms made things worse and trashed my marriage and damaged the relationship between him and Eldest. I'm looking to do my bit in repairing that now, and my instinct (though I've asked for suggestions on my thread) is that I need to wind my neck in and STFU a lot more. A hard lesson for me to learn. Life is giving me many opportunities to practise it.
